I was all set to pen my first column as ATV Rider's editor, but I paused. What should I call it?
I get to have my own column name, so while I was leaning toward Freshly Squeezed, most of the staff was leaning toward No-Hander, based on a nickname I'd earned at the Primedia offices. Dirt Rider art guru Joe McKimmy created "No-Hander Lander," a play at my last name, of course, not my riding style (fortunately), and former Technical Editor Todd Canavan seized upon it-from then on I was "No-Hander" to him. Those creative art people-my first moniker at DR was "Mr. G," short for "Giggles." Working with Scott "Wookie" Hoffman and Michael "Big E" MonroE was akin to spending your day with Abbott and Costello. Hoffman's dry wit coupled with MonroE's antics had me laughing all the time. MonroE dubbed me "G" for short, to which I replied, "That's Mr. G to you," and-blam!-I had a nickname. Fine with me, I can laugh at myself.
A nickname isn't always something we enjoy; sometimes it's a harmless twist on your name, but more often it's the result of some stunt you wish your friends would forget. Instead, they choose to honor the occasion with a new label. Naturally, it helps to be able to laugh at yourself and have inventive companions. Nicknames are an outgrowth of the descriptions we assign everyone we meet in our cranial Rolodex, and sometimes the labels are so good they end up sticking. Fighter pilots or guys with long, hard-to-pronounce foreign names usually get one of this genre-those so-cool fighter jockeys call theirs "handles" or "call signs."
Whatever the cause, method or style, you're stuck with the label until the next inspiration. I view them as a sign people like you; otherwise, they'd just ignore you and make fun of you behind your back. One name I'd hate to have is "Dumbass"-like the person I saw on CNN one morning. Usually Dumbass winds up as a statistic. And there are so many ATV statistics out there that the federal government is noticing and talking about doing something. We all know what happens when Uncle Sam starts implementing restrictions and creating more regulations, right?
Before anyone begins bashing CNN and the liberal media, it was a straightforward report about the increasing numbers of users and the disproportionate numbers of children getting injured or killed. After showing a clip of responsible ATV riders, CNN then aired a home video of a youngster blasting through the pits while wearing a T-shirt and shorts, only to hit some bumps and endo. The cable network showed it twice, the second time in slow motion so you could see the quad flip over the kid instead of pile-driving him or her into the ground. Notice I didn't say helmet. Yeah, this was an under-16 pit squid on a full-size machine with no helmet!
If you are an adult and need to feel the wind in your hair, fine. Just don't ask for any sympathy when you're a vegetable or 6 feet under. But if you're going to get your children into ATVs, something I think is great, you have an obligation as a parent. You need to ensure they ride the appropriately sized machine and wear their personal protective gear-and most important, set the example by doing so yourself. Remember, kids learn the most from the example you set. Don't raise a dumbass! That's one nickname we don't want to give anyone.